Grief

What is Grief?

Grief is our body’s physical, emotional, and mental response to a loss. Most often we associate grief with the loss of a loved one, however there are many other types of losses humans experience throughout their lifetimes. 

What makes grief feel so exhausting is that it is more than an emotional experience. Grief also manifests itself in our bodies, in our thoughts, shows up in behaviors, and can impact our spiritual lives as well.

Identifying The Loss

When experiencing a loss, it is first important to identify what the primary loss is. Is it a death of a loved one? Is it the loss of employment? Is it unmet expectations for a relationship? 

Secondary losses are experiences that change or things lost in addition to a primary loss. For example, the primary loss of employment may have secondary losses of less financial means, changes in family routines, identity adjustments, etc. 

Identifying the primary and secondary losses and talking out what happened in a safe space is a vital step in the coping process. With the many symptoms of grief, it can be confusing to identify all the losses. Talking with your therapist about your experience may help to unravel some of the overwhelm you feel.

Tell Your Story

If talking about the loss is painful, we may opt to suppress the memory or experience. While this temporary coping method “works” in the short-term, the grief remains dormant or unprocessed. Being able to tell your story from start to present brings clarity and form to your experience. Giving language and a narrative to all that has happened helps our brain sort through the heaviness to establish a new concept of reality. For some, journaling can be a gentle place to start the process.

“I feeling like I’m going crazy!”

This is one of the most common phrases from people experiencing grief. One moment we feel “fine” and the next we are in tears in the middle of a grocery isle. Not knowing what emotion to expect from ourself next can be uncomfortable, inconveient, and isolating. Questioning our faith or the meaning of life, feeling helpless, overwhelmed, or physically exhausted are also common grief responses. Elizabeth Kubler Ross identified five stages people often experience after a loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. We now know that these stages do not necessarily follow in a specific order but can come in waves over time.

Timelines

Grief is exhausting and it is common to want the experience to “be over” as soon as possible. Unfortunately for those of us who appreciate structure, grief does not follow a timeline. Our grief changes and evolves as our lives do. It is not a task that can be checked off a list. Grief is a lived experience and each person responds uniquely. 

Comparing your grief to someone else’s is not an equal comparison. Some respond to grief in a very outward, public way. Others turn inward and may isolate themselves for a time. There is a wide spectrum of natural grief response. The intensity and frequency of grief symptoms decrease and begin to space out as our brains and bodies adjust to life after loss.

You Are Not Alone

What losses have you experienced in your life so far? How did you cope?

Grief is one of the few universal human experiences. Allow yourself to feel without judgment. Sometimes there are life circumstances that make the grieving process even more complex. If symptoms of grief are disrupting your ability to manage activities of daily living, reach out. Finding professional support can validate your experience and help you build coping skills as you journey through grief.

If we can help please reach out to us at info@selahprofessionalcounselors.com or (331) 260-5963.

-Kiah Enriquez, LCSW