Motherhood
Ever find yourself doing a searches like this: How do I meal plan? How to make things less sticky around here? Why do I have everything but I’m still sad? Or do you ever start beating yourself up like this: What am I doing wrong? Why is the house a mess? Why am I so unorganized and overwhelmed? And then go deeper like this: and where is God in all of this?
What if we truly believed in our vocation as mothers? What if we really looked at ourselves and saw ourselves the way God saw us? What if we really owned ourselves? What if we could stop those darn intrusive thoughts in their tracks? Would life be different? Lots of questions to ponder but to put it simply, It matters what we think.
The big question here is this - Do I believe I can choose to change? Lets start anew with five things to implement this month....
1. Rise before children - Pray. coffee. Pray. repeat. Quiet time with Our Lord before the noise begins, sets the tone for the day. Even 10 minutes goes a long way. Without God we can do nothing - (John 15:5)
2. Set your intentions clearly - (ie - dinner will be on the table at 5pm) and repeat over and over 10x at least. Elizabeth Stanley PhD, in her book Widen the Window, states that “the less agency we perceive we have, the more traumatic the experience will be for our mind-body system. So have clear intentions.” Sounds heavy handed but even if one hasn’t experienced trauma, it works. I've seen clients practice this pure intention and it is amazing how effective it truly is.
3. Get to bed on time - Choose a time and stick to it. I have found with my clients when they get to bed on time, rise early and eat well, all is ok in the world. We know sleep deprivation is real. But organizing one's day around bedtime is key. Children go to bed at their proper time and can read until you say goodnight and lights out. We all know giving kids boundaries and helping them with good habits does the whole house and the world good. Daniel Amen MD explains that there is a strong connection between sleep deprivation and mental health. Make it a priority to avoid sleep deprivation as much as possible.
4. Delegate - Children can and should serve. An age-appropriate chore chart can be found online. Mom is the manager not the maid (and I’ve made the mistake of saying that). The children can put their shoes away and hang up their things. It is mom and dad’s job to train them. Why is this point on a psychotherapists blog? I've seen many mothers in a state of anxiety and overwhelm from doing too much and not delegating. It is real. Kids want and need responsibility. Delegating can minimize the anxiety and cloudy state by creating a family life that is orderly and clean.
5. You matter. In a world full of selfies and Instagram posts it can sound pretty cringe to say this. But you do need to take care of yourself. It is not selfish to take a walk, make a healthy meal (no eating the kids left overs), join a book club, or to see a friend for coffee. Whatever makes you tick, you should create time in your day or week to do that. Children growing up with depressed or angry moms do not thrive so it is in the best interest for you and your family to take care of yourself. A hot shower, orderly home and date nights are all essential to our well being and God wants us to flourish too. We don’t want the pendulum to swing too far the other way (the sacrificial mother that becomes unglued and resentful). When you feel yourself worn down, “Pause and Reflect” and remember that tomorrow is a new day. Balance is achievable.
None of this is new. You’ve probably heard it before. It was written to remind you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and your role as mother is not going unnoticed; Our Lord is with you every step of the way.
I’d like to end with two resources that are pure gold:
Reimagine motherhood.com - podcast
Likemotherlikedaughter.org - blog
And if it would be helpful to have support in making these changes or exploring roadblocks that you keep encountering, reach out to us to set up an appointment. We are more than happy to help.
Kristen Greiner, MSW, LSW
